Protecting Heaven
by Defiant.Anjeru
Summary: Kaidan reluctantly accepts his death at the hands of the Reapers, leaving Shepard behind. But when things go from bad to worse, Kaidan will move heaven and hell to protect the soul of the woman he loves. Multi-chapter crossover with What Dreams May Come. T for violence, language. Fem!Shepard/Kaidan.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **Heavily inspired by What Dreams May Come; if not a cross over with it. All thoughts appreciated. Reviews are love. Will be finished in a matter of chapters; four or five max, to save it from being a gigantic piece.

**Disclaimer: **Bioware owns Mass Effect, and I do not own What Dreams May Come.

* * *

They'd been through hell together; figuratively, literally – every which way possible. Nothing but stupidity and death had managed to keep them apart for long. Kaidan thought it would continue that way. Once he'd had her back, his Shepard, he'd vowed never to leave her side again. He succeeded in that, at least until now.

Now, it was all different.

The last thing he remembered coherently was running toward the beam, at Shepard's back, determined to follow her up to the Citadel. Anything to be by her side, to help her defeat the Reapers. Then the blast hit. Harbinger's beam changed everything. He'd screamed her name, reached out for her. Then there was black.

Nothing but black for the longest time. Unbearable silence filled with nothing but darkness. He was running, endlessly running; the only sound was the deafening roar of his heart.

Machines next. Hospital machines. His sight was hazy at best and he found that he was looking down on himself. What he thought was himself; the recognition was there, but his body was bandaged, broken, bruised.

Then he was gone again. Next thing he found himself beside was Shepard. Elation overwhelmed him. He reached for her, but she held no recognition in her gaze, no comprehension. She stared ahead, eyes vacant. A voice reached him and he turned his head to acknowledge the presence of Admiral Hackett, the man aged nearly ten years over night. War did that to you; aged you beyond your years.

"He was a good man, Commander. We will not let his sacrifice be forgotten. You and your crew are humanity's damned saviors. I'll be damn sure everyone remembers that," the man promised, arms folded behind his back respectfully.

"I appreciate it," Shepard whispered, her tone flat. Even bruised and bandaged, his Shepard was beautiful. It pained him to see her like this. Yet, as he reached out, he was again met with nothing. She didn't blink, or even look in his direction. If anything, she looked away from where he stood.

"I understand what you're dealing with, Shepard. Take off as much time as you need." Hackett stepped forward and touched his hand to Shepard's shoulder. She stiffened, but did not pull away. "The memorial service will be held in two days. He would want you there."

"I know."

He blinked and the scene changed again. Shepard stood at a podium, a large marble wall behind her. She was dressed in formal fatigues, hands folded behind her back reminiscent of the way Hackett held himself. He stood in front of her, center row, between the rows and rows and rows of men and women assembled. Shepard's lips were pressed thin, brow furrowed; he'd seen that look on her face, many times, when she knew she had to speak but was in too much turmoil to bring herself to do so. They'd already lost so many. The Reapers had taken so many loved ones from so many.

"This war," she started, voice strong, "has taken from every single one of us. Not a single one of us is untouched; asari, human, turian, krogan, elcor, salarian, hanar, batarian, drell. None of us. Since the beginning, even I have lost members of my crew, my family, just as you have lost members of your units, members of your family. We will remember them, just as I will remember my own." Her lip trembled, but she did not falter. He was proud. But why wasn't he at her side, where he belonged? Why wasn't he there, to give her strength as he should?

"We're here to honor the memory of those we've lost." She paused, her hands unfolding from behind her back. A plate lay within her hands. "To add to our wall." She turned and he found himself looking at the wall clearly; plates and etchings covered it from top to bottom, almost randomly in spots. Names. There were names everywhere. "I lost another of my crew. Without his help, I would never had made it as far as I did. He was as much a part of winning this war as I was. If I didn't have him...if I hadn't had him...I would never have been able to accomplish as much as I did. He was a fellow soldier. A trusted friend. In the end, he was much, much more than that. We have all lost loved ones; he was mine. I ask that you remember Major Kaidan Alenko as the man, the hero, that he was."

What? But he was right there, wasn't he? The scene grew hazy, but he didn't relinquish it.

"You have to let go, LT."

He whipped around, the voice catching him off guard. The hazy figure of a woman stood by, but he couldn't mistake the dark haired woman for anyone else. Seeing her was an impossibility, however. She was dead, killed on Virmire because of Saren. He wasn't dead, he shouldn't be able to see her.

"Ashley?"

"I see your eyes are still working, LT." She turned her gaze to the podium, both of them watching as Shepard stepped forward to place the plate on the wall with the others. He frowned, eyes narrowed on the name – Kaidan Alenko. This wasn't right. He wasn't dead; for god's sake, he was standing right in front of them all!

"What's going on Ashley?"

"You died, LT. Sucks, I know. But it ain't doing you any good to linger around like a ghost."

"I'm not dead! I can't be dead!" He shook his head, almost frantically. He ran toward the stage, hopped onto it, and appeared at Shepard's side. With her back to the crowd, she'd allowed her mask to fall. Tears streaked down her cheeks as she drew her fingers across his name. She whispered it, her voice broken. "Shepard! Vika, please, listen to me! I'm here! I'm not gone. I still exist. Please, say it. I still exist!"

"You still exist," she whispered.

"Yes! Yes! I'm still here – I still exist!"

"No!" She hissed the word and shook her head. "No. He's dead, Shepard. Nobody is bringing him back, like they did you. Accept it."

"See?" Ashley's hazy figure appeared on the other side of Shepard. "You will do no good here. Shepard's suffered enough, don't ya think? Time is all that can help her now."

"I'm not dead!" He shouted. No one heard him. No eyes found him, no heads turned. Ashley cocked a brow and shook her head. That's when it hit him; no one could hear him, no one could see him. Shepard couldn't – wouldn't – acknowledge him. The last thing he'd recalled before the hospital was the mad dash for the beam. The Reaper. Then the blinding pain and darkness.

He fell to his knees.

God, he really was dead, wasn't he?

Ashley knelt beside him. When she had moved, he didn't know. "This will be much easier if you just accept it, LT. I know it's hard – hell, it was hard for me and I wasn't involved with her. Or you. Or anyone. But you have to do it."

"I can't leave her," he said, stern.

"You have to. Haunting her with only hurt her." She shrugged and rubbed the back of her head. "I would know. Remember how torn up she was after I died? It will be worse with you, Kaidan. You have to come with me."

"I can't leave her," he repeated brokenly. He reached out for Shepard's leg and met nothing. His hand went through her. Clear through her. He glanced up and felt himself falling apart at the tears that fell from her face. He watched as she stiffened up, sucked up her sorrow, and turned back to readdress the crowd. He heard nothing of what she said. He couldn't; it would only reaffirm what he feared was real – that he was really, and truly, dead.

Ashley stood and held out her hand to him. "It's time to go, LT."

He took her hand after a very long moment of indecision. He loved Shepard, more than anything, but he couldn't – wouldn't – be selfish enough to cling to her if it meant nothing but pain. "What's next, Ashley?"

"I need you to know this is real, Kaidan. One more stop."

The scene faded away from him, before being replaced; they stood, hands linked, in the Commander's Quarters aboard the Normandy. His heart dropped. Eyes found Shepard sitting on the edge of her bed, a single picture frame in her hands. He didn't need to be a genius to know it was his picture she held. Empty eyes looked on his picture. Shepard was pale, gaunt, and he'd never seen her look more tired or more defeated than she did in this moment.

"Shepard," he stepped toward her, but the gunnery chief held him back.

"I'm sorry I couldn't protect you, Kaidan. I'm sorry your dead and I'm not. You were a good man. You deserved a long and happy life." She sighed, brows furrowing. "They all did. We fought harder than anyone. Thane shouldn't have died. Ashley shouldn't have died. But your death is tearing me up the most. I told you to go back but you're so damn...damn...stubborn! Were...were so stubborn. Wherever you are, I love you. I hope you're happy. One day, I'll be coming to find you."

"I love you too, Vika Shepard." He looked at Ashley sadly, defeated. "This is really happening, isn't it?"

"Yes, LT." She tugged on his hand. "Are you ready to come with me now?"

He gave one last long, lingering, gaze toward Shepard – the love of his life. He wanted nothing more than to be at her side, to stay with her, ghost or not. But he knew he had to go. With a nod, he turned back to Ashley.

"Let's go."


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **Thanks for the reviews, alerts, favorites; your support is always appreciated.

**Sidenote: **There's no guarantee when they will be filled, but I am now accepting and taking prompts – Resident Evil 6 Chris/Piers, Dragon Age, and Mass Effect.

**Disclaimer: **Bioware owns Mass Effect, I do not own What Dreams May Come.

* * *

Kaidan was surprised with what followed. His eyes opened. He woke up. Almost immediately, he knew it was different, however. He didn't go from _that _to here. Wherever here was. Wind shifted the grass and weeds growing around where his prone body had fallen. Or appeared; this was all something he knew nothing about. It wasn't as if he'd died before. Once you died, you died – you didn't come back. Shepard had broken the laws of life and death with an impossible miracle. Kaidan, well, he wasn't so lucky.

He found it odd that he could still blink. His physical form was as physical as it had ever been. He placed one hand on the ground and pushed himself up. The grass shifted around him as he did so. Sunlight streamed down on him and he could its warmth seeping into his flesh. Feeling better than he ever had, he jumped to his feet to take a look at his surroundings.

The field stretched out for miles, for as far as he could see, until it reached the base of the mountains lining the horizon, where two suns were ready to set. Trees dotted the landscape and just off in the distance, toward his right, he saw a lake. He felt drawn to it. His feet carried him there with swift steps and when he stopped at its edge, he was blinded by the light of the suns. He lifted his head to shield his eyes and that's when he saw her, walking across the water like it was solid ground. He watched, astonished.

"LT!"

"Ashley?" He took a step forward, expecting to walk on the water like her and yet he fell in, sinking to the bottom until only his head broke the surface. The young woman chuckled as she knelt beside him. It was Ashley, alright. Clear as day, whereas she had been fuzzy before he'd come here. A thought hit him and he tried to flare his biotics, but to no avail. He did not glow the blue, or even feel the beginning of the pain that came with the following migraine. "You're not fuzzy now," was what he finally decided on saying.

"It's all about acceptance, Kaidan. When you accept it, it all becomes clear. Took me awhile to get the hang of it, you know how stubborn I can be." Ashley grinned. "Sure as hell didn't wanna die where I did. Sure they remember me, but hell, you guys got all the glory for stopping that prick Saren."

He cocked his head, the water at his chin. Not even cold. He glanced up at her. Only one question left his lips; "how is it you can walk on the water and I can't?"

The gunnery chief smirked. "Hell this is your world, LT. You can do whatever you want, if you will it. Try."

Kaidan found that her words made him smile, just an instant before they made his frown. Shepard had said similar words to him just before they'd charged out of the London base to take their final stand against the Reaper invasion.

Shepard.

She was alone there, without him. In the very ship, the very room, that was home to most of their precious memories. He didn't want her dead – if anyone deserved a good life, a long life, it was her. But he had imagined it with them together, with him at her side. Now, he was dead and she, she was alone. Not entirely, he knew, because there were still many there who would care for her, a few who loved her – like Garrus. But it wasn't the same. It couldn't ever be the same now that they were separated.

He couldn't dwell on that. As badly as he wanted to. He used his infamous determination, his will, focused it on his thoughts to turn them onto what he wanted – the thought of walking on the water. His arms pushed him to the surface and then he placed his hand on the water, lifting himself from it. They both rose and soon they were standing face to face, on the water.

"See? All a matter of will power."

He resisted the urge to roll his eyes at her and instead, took a look at their surroundings. "Where are we?"

"This is your heaven, LT – you tell me."

Kaidan absorbed her words, mulling on them, as he took a long look at their surroundings. It was then, in that almost perfect moment of serenity in his heaven, that the memory came to him.

_This _was _theirs_; his and Shepard's. Their heaven.

* * *

_Kaidan woke groggily, ignoring the beginning pains of a migraine. Restless, he patted the bed beside him for Shepard, only to find her side cold and empty. He sat up slowly and found her sitting across the room on the sofa, absorbed in something on her lap. _

"_What is that you're doing?" he asked curiously. _

"_Hm?" Shepard glanced up from her task. "What?" _

"_That," he pointed to what he now saw was a paper – yes, real paper – pad sitting in her lap as he stretched. He swung himself out of the bed. Honestly, it didn't surprise him that Shepard was up, even though they had only fallen asleep together a few hours before. He'd noticed after her resurrection that she had trouble sleeping. It bothered him that nothing he seemed to do helped her. He felt helpless, something he didn't like feeling around him; she was the forefront of the war, and yet he couldn't even help her sleep. _

"_Oh, this." She grinned almost sheepishly. "It's just a...drawing."_

_His brows rose sharply. "You draw?" How had he not known about this?_

_She winked as she replied with, "I'm full of surprises, Mr. Alenko." _

_Kaidan padded over to where she sat and took a seat beside her, his thigh touching hers. He frowned to find hers so cold. Pressing his shoulder to hers, he leaned closer, trying to get a look at her drawing, but she quickly pulled it against her chest to conceal it. And possibly to distract him from it with her creamy cleavage. "Why can't I see?" She looked away from him evasively, almost as if she were...embarrassed. "Vika, you don't have to embarrassed. Can I see? Please? I want to see." He let his tone edge toward pleading as he pressed a kiss to her bare shoulder._

_With a huff, she rolled her eyes – he couldn't help but grin at that, as her attitude was just _so _charming. She pulled the paper pad away from her chest to let him see. His gaze swept across it quickly once, then took a slower, more leisurely, stroll across the paper with interest. It was a very well done pencil sketch. Large field, rolling hills, trees, a mountain range far in the background. The sky held two suns, instead of one, so it couldn't have been Earth. Toward the edge of the page, he saw a lake; on the lake was an island that held a simple, little house. It was beautiful, the scenery and the image; even more so since it had come from Shepard's hand. He glanced back at her, suddenly curious of what meaning it held to her. _

"_This is amazing. I wonder when you will cease to amaze me." She chuckled when he nudged her. "Which, by the way, will be never. Where is this?" He tapped the corner of the page with his finger. _

"_It's...Mindoir," she said softly. _

_Oh. He frowned, knowing this wasn't a particularly fond memory of hers – not when batarian slavers had rolled through and destroyed it all. "Your home?" _

"_No." _

_His brow furrowed in confusion as she smiled. "Then...what is it?" _

_She turned her cerulean eyes upon him, lips curling up into a more profoundly content smile. "It's our home, Kaidan." _

"_Our home?" _

_Shepard nodded. "I've been here before, but this house here...it's not there. Not yet. It's where I've imagined us settling down, after the war." She paused with a frown. "If the Reapers don't make us extinct first, I suppose." _

"_Hey, hey – look at me." He tilted her chin with a finger and brought her now sad gaze to his. "We're doing everything we possibly can. _You _have done impossible things, Vika. I'm afraid you're stuck with me because we are going to kick the Reapers back into whatever dark hole they crawled out of. You got me?" _

_She smiled and kissed him gently. "I got you." _

* * *

Kaidan sighed; how naïve and hopeful he'd been then. The memory made him smile, however, because his heaven was her drawing, _her _vision of their future, their heaven. A future that, now, would never be. He'd died on her, leaving her behind to pick up the pieces. God, he missed her already. So damn much.

"Hey, you in there, LT?"

Ashley's voice brought him back to reality. "She drew this, you know. It's Mindoir, where she grew up. It's where she pictured up settling down." He pointed to the center of the body of water, watching as an island formed. The house appeared a moment later, but with more detail and a few changes, making it almost colonial and modern all at once. A perfect mix of his vision and hers. "There's where we planned to start our family."

She snorted. "Right, like they would let you _and _the great Commander Shepard retire and settling down. Heroes of the Reaper War would never escape long enough to settle down." She turned her eyes to peer across the lake. "It's a nice thought, though. I'll give you lovebirds that much."

"Yeah...it was, at least."

Ashley's hand found his shoulder to give it a reassuring squeeze. "I know it hurts now, LT. You'll see her again, when the time comes."

He nodded but with a frown, uncertain of how her words made him feel. Kaidan never wanted Shepard to die, to have to face that fate not only once, but twice. Not even if it meant being together. Shepard, more than anyone, deserved a long and happy life.

* * *

What Kaidan failed to recognize, was that without him by her side, that was an impossibility.

Shepard punched her fist into the glass, unable to look at herself. So much guilt weighed down on her shoulders. People hailed her, praised her, worshiped her, for everything she had done against the Reapers, but it only served to remind her of all that she had failed in.

Jenkins.

Ashley.

Pressly.

Thane.

Mordin.

Anderson.

Kelly.

EDI.

All of them dead, because of her; because of her inability to save them.

The worst...god, the worst was, and always would be, Kaidan.

Her love. Her life.

Her Kaidan.

Her Major.

He was just...gone. One moment there, the next, in the blink of an eye, a moment of a scream, and he was gone.

How could she save the Galaxy, but fail in saving him?

What did all those lives matter if she couldn't protect the ones she loved and cared for?

Shepard drew away from the now shattered mirror and walked listlessly into her quarters. She moved to the drawer of her desk to draw out the bandages, sitting in her chair to bandage her now bleeding fingers. Ever since returning to the Normandy and being looked upon by Joker's enraged eyes, she had not been able to stand the sight of herself in the mirror; that first day, she'd looked at her pale face, her shadowed features, and shattered the mirror with her fist. Then, each and every time it was replaced, and she was struck with the sight of her horrid face, she shattered it again. And again. Each scream more pained than the last.

She tossed the roll of gauze aside, then made her way to the bed, ignoring her dead and decaying fish as they floated listlessly in the water of her aquarium. Her eyes stared down at the bed. It seemed far too big for her now.

With a sigh, she turned and instead plopped herself on the sofa. Her terminal pinged but she ignored it, instead picking up the sketch pad that laid open on the table in front of her. She'd done this drawing one night, when thinking of home – and Kaidan. Those fields held such precious memories for her and she could only imagine the memories she and Kaidan would create there as well. Her fingers plucked up the pencil and she started drawing. A large willow tree, beside the house, it's branches long and draping like a protect cover over their home.

* * *

Ashley's eyes widened at the same time Kaidan's did. Even as they watched, a large, draping willow tree began to paint itself into his landscape.

"Wow. I've never actually seen this," Ashley breathed. "Real, true soul mates."

"What?"

"You're connected, even now. Through your vision, her image."

He glanced at her sharply. "You mean she's drawing this now?"

"Yes. Wow!"

They walked forward, across the water, until they were standing at the base of the tree. Kaidan reached out and touched it, closing his eyes. Elation filled him. Joy.

_I'm here, Shepard. Feel me. I love you. _

* * *

_I love you. _

Shepard's fingers froze as his voice filtered through her mind, her fingers gripping impossibly tight on the pencil until it snapped clear in half. "No. No!" She snatched up the half of the pencil that held the eraser and frantically began erasing the tree. "_No! _He's not here, he's dead. _Dead!_"

_He'll never see this. You'll never see it now, Kaidan. Dead. He's dead. _

She screamed and threw the sketch pad away from her.

* * *

Kaidan's joy slipped away from him as the tree began to whither beneath his hand, until it was no more than an empty husk of what it had been.

"It will get easier for her too," Ashley whispered.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: **Wow, thanks for all the wonderful feedback! I really appreciate it! Thanks for your support! This chapter is a bit shorter...sorry for that. Kind of a filler, before the real trial begins.

**Sidenote: **I think I mentioned this before but to any of you who may be interested, I do accept prompts now. All I ask is that you keep the requests to familiar territory - ie, Dragon Age, Resident Evil 6, or Mass Effect. I always have a willing ear, so don't hesitate to send me anything you'd like to see me write. I would love to fill some prompts for you guys!

**Disclaimer: **Bioware owns Mass Effect, I do not own What Dreams May Come.

* * *

Kaidan had become used to his heaven. Even settled into the little house that was meant to be his and Shepard's. There was no way to tell how much time had passed, but no more additions – like the willow – appeared. In a way, it pained him, but perhaps it was a sign that she was beginning to accept his death and was, in some small way, beginning the long process of healing from it.

He thought that, at least, until Ashley came to him, clearly uneasy.

"Where have you been?" He asked when she appeared on the balcony beside him. He leaned forward in his seat and gazed at her, brow furrowed.

"I had work to do." She shrugged as if it were no big deal and yet, she avoided meeting his gaze.

Having been a soldier his entire adult life, and a biotic since he was small, Kaidan knew how to read the waves of emotion in the air. Something was obviously amiss. "Work?" he prompted.

"Believe it or not, yes. Work." She shuffled her feet, still refusing to look at him.

"Ashley."

"Kaidan."

"Ashley," he said her name more sternly and stood. "What's wrong?"

She lowered her gaze to her feet, her own brow furrowed, obviously distressed. "Something's...something has happened."

"What is it?" Had he a heart beat, it would have stuttered. As it was he felt suddenly short of breath. His palms grew sweaty and he curled and uncurled his digits as a distraction. There was no use getting worked up until he knew what was upsetting her, and yet, he knew it was bad. He could _feel _it. "What's happened?"

She sucked in a breath. Held it. Then let it out on a whoosh, words said in a panic; "Shepard's dead."

Time seemed to stand still for Kaidan as her words echoed through his mind. Dead. Shepard was dead. He didn't know how long he'd been gone from the realm of the living, how fast or slow time moved outside of Heaven, but it seemed too soon. Too soon.

"Dead?" The single word came out as nothing more than a feeble croak.

Dead. Shepard was dead? It couldn't be.

"Yes. That's what...that's what I was dealing with." She swallowed and raised her gaze to his, "now, Kaidan –"

"Where is she? Can I see her?" He rushed to her and gripped her shoulders tightly, trying his best not to shake her. If Shepard was here, he had to find her. This very moment.

Ashley's features were set grimly. Sadness reigned in over her eyes. Her hands lifted to gently grip at his wrists as she shook her head. "No, Kaidan, you can't see her. Not now, not ever."

"What?" He jerked back away from her as if she'd reached out and physically slapped him across the face. "_Why_?"

"You just can't. Kaidan. I'm sorry. I don't know how to handle this. I never saw it coming, especially not from Shepard."

"I don't understand, Ashley! Tell me what's going on!" He nearly screamed the words at her, the clouds darkening the sky above them; lightning streaked across the clouds and thunder boomed seconds behind it, reflecting the inner turmoil of Kaidan's distress and anger. His chest heaved and his body shook, fingers curling and uncurling at his sides.

Ashley swallowed. Audibly. Thickly. He'd never seen her so uncomfortable, even in life. "Shepard killed herself, Kaidan."

The world fell out from beneath Kaidan's feet and spun wildly out of control. His head reeled as thoughts rushed from the dam to run rampant in his mind. God, what was happening? This couldn't be happening. "Her pain...her pain is over then, isn't it?" Kaidan's frantic whisper echoed as loud as the thunder as he fell back into his seat, in shock. "Why isn't she here?"

"Her pain is only beginning." He jumped up and she took a cautious step backward. "I'm sorry Kaidan, but that's the way of things. Suicides...go somewhere else."

"That's bullshit!" Kaidan roared the word, lightning flashing behind him as the clouds opened up, raining coming down on them in sheets. He paid in no heed. "Go where? Shepard deserves heaven more than anyone, Ashley! You know that! She saved so many lives!"

"That doesn't matter, Kaidan, not here! In the end, she took her life. It's a grave sin!"

"So where is she then, hell?"

"Not...exactly."

"What do you mean?" He shook; anger, confusion, and distress warring for dominance within his body.

Ashley paced, agitated. "It's a sort of limbo. She's going to spend eternity reliving her suicide. Over and over."

"There has to be something you can do!" He shouted.

"There isn't!" She shouted back. "Where do you think I've been, Kaidan? What do you think I've been trying to do, huh? I tried everything I can think of, short of heading straight into hell, to limbo!"

"That's what I'll be doing then."

She snapped around to face him, her eyes narrowed. "Say again?"

"I'm going after her, Ashley."

"You can't! It's impossible, Kaidan! It's never been done!"

"Explain the tree then. That was impossible too. You'd never seen that before, but it happened. We're connected," he breathed. He stepped toward, determination in his every movement. This was going to happen. He was doing this, with or without her help. "I'm going to use our connection to find her; it will lead me to her. I'm going, Ashley, with or without you, with or without your help."

Ashley pursed her lips and stared at him for a long, tense moment. Then she sighed and rolled her eyes. Throwing up her hands in defeat, she muttered, "fine." She pointed a finger at him. "If we're doing this, we're doing this my way. First – we need a tracker."

"A tracker?"

"Well I don't know the way into hell. Do you?" His silence was answer enough. "Didn't think so."

* * *

Kaidan's eyes took in the grand scenery around him. They stood now in the largest, most grand library he'd ever seen. Souls floated to and from the shelves, some laughing, some merely reading. He found himself unable to tear his eyes away from them, even as Ashley led him to the a small alcove off to the side, where candles flickered and shadows played. They stopped beside a ladder and they both looked up toward whatever soul occupied it.

"Yes, yes. Heaven and hell do exist. So many torn over religious debates. Too many ideas. Answer is clear. So much senseless loss over – "

"Hey!" Ashley shook the ladder. "I know I'm getting in the way of your rambling, but we need your help."

Eyes blinked and then the salarian slowly made his way down the ladder. Kaidan's eyes widened when he realized just who it was he was staring at. "Mordin?"

"The one and the only, yes. I see you did not survive the war. A shame. A good man. A good Major. One of –"

"Solus!" Ashley snapped his name irritably. "Focus, please. We need your help."

"With what, I might ask? Heaven? No, must have questions then. No, not that." The salarian tapped his chin thoughtfully. "About hell then?"

"Kind of. What do you know of suicides?"

Mordin sighed with a shake of his head. "Sad, that. An unnecessary loss. Suicides become trapped in limbo, forced to relive day of death."

"How do we get to limbo?" Kaidan asked.

Mordin eyed him curiously. "Strange, that. Why do you question me of such a place? Has someone you know been lost to limbo? A friend? A lover, perhaps. No, Shepard would not throw her life away." Kaidan's skittish gaze was all the answer he needed. "No! Shepard has really taken her life then? Such a shame. She was the strength of many. Leader. Soldier. Never would have pictured this for her. You plan to go after her then?"

"I do."

"Respectable decision. Something unheard of, however. Tad tricky. Cannot be done, most would say. You still wish to try?" Mordin sniffed.

"Shepard spent her life doing the impossible for us, for everyone, the least we can do is try doing the impossible for her," Kaidan said resolutely. Nothing was going to deter his course; they were going after Shepard. Period.

"Good answer." Mordin nodded and walked past the two of them. "Let's get going then, shall we? Much to do. Much, much to do. This is not going to be easy, I hope you know. You risk your soul."

"It's the least I can do for all that she had done for me. I love her. I'm not going to leave her there to suffer. My soul means nothing, not if sacrificing it can save hers." Kaidan's chin lifted a notch.

Mordin studied him a moment before giving a small smile. "I can see why she loved you. Come on then." He turned and waved for them to follow.

The three of them started to leave the grand cathedral-esque library, just as it began to melt away from them. The world blurred and spun and after much disarray, Kaidan found himself standing before a grand mountain side. Nothing else, just the slated grey of mountain.

Mordin stood in front of him and put his hand to the stone. "You ready then, Major?"

"As I'll ever be."

The mountain side shook and the rocks rumbled around them. The grand stone split down the middle as Mordin stepped away, opening up to a long, endlessly long, tunnel of fire. Kaidan swallowed and looked at Ashley, who seemed just as intimidated by the prophetic and symbolic appearance of the flames. Setting his lips into a thin line, Kaidan turned and stepped toward the fire.

_Hold on, Vika. I'm coming. _


End file.
